July 9, 2009

2 months

It's been 2 months since my sweet Lariann left us. I get asked alot,"How are you doing?" and,"How's Lucy doing." I don't mind being asked, it's nice to know that people care and are concerned about Lucy and myself. So let me sum it up for you.

I feel like I am just in this survival mode. I just try to get through each day. Some days it's a struggle to get up and face the day. But Lucy needs me to be strong so she will know that everything is okay.

I try to stay busy to keep my mind off of things, which isn't hard. I even picked up a third job, I went back to Lagoon to work first aid again. It's easier if I have something else to think about something to distract me and work seems to a pretty good job of that.

I've rearranged alot of furniture and boxed up alot of stuff. I hope by doing this that I will stop being reminded of her so much.

Being a single parent is hard. I have almost zero free time anymore. When I'm not at work or asleep it seems like there is always something that needs to be done, house work or yard work or Lucy just needs some attention. Luckily I have great family and friends who are always there to help me out. I don't know what I would do with out them. I don't know if I can begin to add up all the hours my Dad has spent working in my yard, I worry that he is neglecting his own house and yard just to help me.

Lucy spends days with different relatives. My Aunts Jean and Louise each have a day they take her. She goes down to my Uncle Carl and Aunt Jennifer's once a week, sometimes their son Daniel comes over and spends the night if I have an early shift at the fire station or am on call there. My parents and my in-laws take her alot as well, they also come over and spend the night while I am working as dose my sister Alison and my brother Greg and his wife Stacey when they come down from Logan.

Lucy has good days and bad days. She can get very moody and it's hard to tell if it's just because she's two years old or if it's because she lost her Mommy, doesn't understand where she's gone or why she can't come back. She asks about Mommy less and less everyday, actually she hardly brings her up anymore which is good because it always hurt when she would ask for her and didn't have an answer for her that she would understand, but at the same time it's sad because I'm afraid she's starting to forget her Mommy.

My life almost feels like a bad dream that I keep waiting to wake up from but I know that I'm not going to. I almost expect to see her laying on the couch watching TV when I come home or I even reach over to put my arm around her when I'm laying in bed.

I guess the best answer to the question, "How are you doing?" is, "I am okay." I could defiantly be alot better but things could be whole lot worse if I didn't have such wonder full friends and family.


The Bentley Family and Aussiemuminthekitchen said...

Scott- I am so sorry. I can see how working would be a helpful distraction at times. I too am glad you have such a wonderful family and great friends. Please please don't forget that Brad and I are also close and MORE than willing to help. We would love to mow your lawn, weed garden beds, fix stuff around the house (you know Brad is Mr.Fixit). He recently told me that if he could do any job the rest of his life and love it it would be mowing lawns (not kidding) Our Saturdays are wide open and I couldn't think of a better way to spend some of that time. Send me your address on Facebook...please! We both think about you often and you are ALWAYS in our prayers.

Dave said...

Thanks for the update. I realize I don't have much to offer in the way of truly understanding what you are going through. I do hope that just talking and shooting the breeze like we always have helps to bring some much needed normalcy, or just takes your mind off things for a while.

Alesha said...


I can't imagine feeling what you're feeling right now. Just know that we love you and Lucy so much. I was so glad to see you at the fireworks on Saturday. Lucy was so fun when we went to have ice cream at Lorraine and Jerry's too. Just know we love you guys and are here for you.

Ker said...

Thanks for the update Scott. I feel bad we don't live closer. Please know we are always here for you. If you ever need anything we can help, call us! I'm so glad there are so many family members close by to help out.

nicole said...

Scott I'm so sorry!! Your family has been in my thoughts & prayers for the longest time. I just don't know where exactly you live so I can help out if need be. In case your memory is as good as mine I was in the 1st ward with you when you taught CTR5.